Today I stood in line for approximately 20 minutes with approximately 20 other people, strangers at first, about half of whom were waiting for the privilege of returning various electronic boxes to Comcast in order to complete the process of dropping their cable TV service.
It doesn’t matter why I dropped my TV service. Suffice it to say that it’s a tale of woe in which the cable TV leviathon treated me and my family with the sort of disregard and neglectful contempt one can imagine someone such as, say, Ghengis Khan might have heaped upon his prisoners. I don’t feel compelled to divulge the details of our treatment at the hands of the dreaded Comcast, as anyone who has been forced to deal with an American cable TV company in the past 10 years has his or her own tale of woe to contemplate.
As I stood there in line, cracking jokes with the other inmates as to the similarity of Comcast customer service to that of the Texas Department of Motor Vehicles, it occurred to me that a lesson was here to be learned, at least for the prospective business owner:
While you’re trying to decide on what sort of business you’d like to start, please do give consideration to a monopoly of some sort. You don’t have to worry too much about the quality of the service, and you can charge any price you wish, depending upon how many customers you desire. Provide a bare minimum of customer service employees if you like, because the long waits will encourage many customers just to give up and take it.
For customers who persist in complaining, you can always tell them to obtain their TV or telephone or Internet service somewhere else if they don’t like it. Then you can wait for several seconds and say “Oh wait, no you can’t. You can’t get your service somewhere else because we’re a monopoly. Heh.”